Last week was one of the hardest weeks that I’ve endured in a long time. The only good thing about the week is that it only lasts 7 days and there’s an end in sight!
I struggle with being vulnerable on here and sharing my heart because I think so many times there is this conception that if you are small business owner that you have to make it look like everything is all rosy, but that’s just not reality. I think that the honesty about the fact that being a small business owner, mom, wife and community leader is not always easy. Sometimes, I think there’s this idea, that “things seem to always go so well for so and so” and that my friend is just false and it will rob you of joy if you think that. There are times when things are definitely not rosy and this past week was one of those times.
Without getting into too many details there were nights where I was up all night just fighting for the will to keep going. I don’t mean the will to keep going in my life, but I mean the will to keep fighting for what I know God has called me to do.
I struggled with panic attacks, with our sweet fur baby who was really really sick and almost died, with the reality that my son still has four months of school but he needs to finish in two months, with all the craziness that running a business brings. I struggled with questions about big plans that I really believe God has for Sara-Anne Photography, but I’m not quite ready to take those steps through those open doors. I was restless and it was dark.
Friends I love what I do, it is my passion it is my heart, it is everything I have, but it’s also the thing that keeps me up at night and that sometimes robs me of peace and joy. In one of those sleepless nights, the Lord reminded me…
The darkest time and the hardest times in our lives, but they always give way to joy.
Actually that joy cannot come from just our circumstances it has to come from someplace deeper… If we rely on our circumstances for those core things in our life, such as hope or joy or peace, then we will always be disappointed. Joy comes from being so content in where are, that there is no greener grass. That we can rest and find peace on our own grass.
Today I’m writing not only to my client who may be up late at night with the baby for the third night in a row and you are exhausted, or I’m writing to a fellow photographer who just can’t figure out exactly where their place is in the industry or just to a passerby who just happened about this blog. I just want you to know that it’s OK to struggle, it doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person because you’re struggling to find joy. I also want you to know that though you may weep and struggle for a season that there is a new beginning awaiting you. I believe that for me and I believe that for you
As God continues to work His way in me and teach me about the seasons in my life and in my business, (which I continue to be excited to share with you) I believe that a season of weeping, in a season of sorrow is always preceded and followed by a season of joy….and that my friends is something to hold onto it what you can lay your head to rest at night about. There is such joy in just knowing that.