This week has been full of many ups, I was able to get away with some amazing creative women entrapenures and build friendships, talk about our businesses and dive into the world of being a “boss lady”. In the middle of that, all the fun, the “being away” the fellowship and so much more, my heart was sad. This week marks the 8 year anniversary of my mom (and grandmother’s) accident that took both of their lives. My dad texted me the other day “it feels like forever that I have lived in this house alone” My heart aches!
I’ve been thinking about how this week was just the perfect analogy of how life is often for so many people. We go along with our daily lives, we carry on with jobs, we hang out with friends and do amazing things, but at the same time, so often we are aching on the inside for whatever reason. It’s not a matter of not being authentic, but it’s a matter of wondering if people really care about the things that are “not so pretty” in our lives. We as humans are uncomfortable with pain, uncomfortable with heart ache. We want everything to be all “rainbows and butterflies” (to quote my dear friend Julie of Juliepatoolies)
I just think we often go through our daily lives and we don’t know what others are going through even in the midst of good things and good times. I also think that we don’t want to share the pain, as we don’t want to disrupt the good things and we don’t want to be responsible for making others feel uncomfortable. But what I’m learning is that authenticity is the best. It’s there where real relationships are built, its there in when trust is gained and it’s there when we can learn to share true joys and true sorrow!
So as I have reflected on wha the last 8 years have been like…when I think about that horrible day in the early morning when I got the call from the Lycoming coroners office…when I think about the fact that my kids have missed out on the most amazing grandmother that one could have wanted, my heart aches.
- I ache to hear her voice, her laugh that often was silent from pain, but when it was present, it was infectious.
- I long to get a card or letter (that came so frequently to my mailbox) and see that beautiful handwriting once again. To read a card that is loaded with encouragement and scriptures that she picked and wrote out just for me.
- I miss seeing her favorite t’shirts and the smell of 4-711 cologne
- I would do anything to look her in cabinet that held all the gourmet foods that I can’t afford, but that she loved to have.
- I would love to hear her voice as she read aloud to my kiddos…she read aloud a lot!
- I would love to sit outside on her steps and look at all her beautiful flowers, hanging baskets and herbs that she invested so much time into making beautiful.
- I miss hearing her slippers as they walked across the floor (she was never without shoes or slippers)
- I would love to see her big town car pull in the driveway just once more.
- I long for her voice of caution and her amazing wisdom that she would give freely to anyone who would listen.
I miss her! I miss my grandmother, I so wish that she could see our family now…that she could see my kids as they are growing so fast into such amazing young people. I wish that she could see Sara-Anne Photography and where that has taken me and I wish she could see the fruit of all her prayers that she prayed so feverishly for!
If you want to read more about my amazing mom, my dads words at her funeral get me every time and were just perfect
I’m sharing a picture of my daughter today, she is so many ways is like her! Her artistic flare, her compassion for others, her loyalty, her free spirit and her love for her friends and so much more! She would have loved all that she is becoming as a young lady!
